<s> I HAD CALLED UPON MY FRIEND MR. SHERLOCK HOLMES ONE DAY IN THE AUTUMN OF LAST YEAR AND FOUND HIM IN DEEP CONVERSATION WITH A VERY STOUT FLORID FACED ELDERLY GENTLEMAN WITH FIERY RED HAIR </s><s> WITH AN APOLOGY FOR MY INTRUSION I WAS ABOUT TO WITHDRAW WHEN HOLMES PULLED ME ABRUPTLY INTO THE ROOM AND CLOSED THE DOOR BEHIND ME </s><s> QUOTE YOU COULD NOT POSSIBLY HAVE COME AT A BETTER TIME MY DEAR WATSON QUOTE HE SAID CORDIALLY </s><s> I WAS AFRAID THAT YOU WERE ENGAGED </s><s> SO I AM </s><s> VERY MUCH SO </s><s> THEN I CAN WAIT IN THE NEXT ROOM </s><s> NOT AT ALL </s><s> THIS GENTLEMAN MR. WILSON HAS BEEN MY PARTNER AND HELPER IN MANY OF MY MOST SUCCESSFUL CASES AND I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT HE WILL BE OF THE UTMOST USE TO ME IN YOURS ALSO QUOTE </s><s> THE STOUT GENTLEMAN HALF ROSE FROM HIS CHAIR AND GAVE A BOB OF GREETING WITH A QUICK LITTLE QUESTIONING GLANCE FROM HIS SMALL FAT ENCIRCLED EYES </s><s> TRY THE SETTEE SAID HOLMES RELAPSING INTO HIS ARMCHAIR AND PUTTING HIS FINGERTIPS TOGETHER AS WAS HIS CUSTOM WHEN IN JUDICIAL MOODS </s><s> I KNOW MY DEAR WATSON THAT YOU SHARE MY LOVE OF ALL THAT IS BIZARRE AND OUTSIDE THE CONVENTIONS AND HUMDRUM ROUTINE OF EVERYDAY LIFE </s><s> YOU HAVE SHOWN YOUR RELISH FOR IT BY THE ENTHUSIASM WHICH HAS PROMPTED YOU TO CHRONICLE AND IF YOU WILL EXCUSE MY SAYING SO SOMEWHAT TO EMBELLISH SO MANY OF MY OWN LITTLE ADVENTURES </s><s> YOUR CASES HAVE INDEED BEEN OF THE GREATEST INTEREST TO ME I OBSERVED </s><s> YOU WILL REMEMBER THAT I REMARKED THE OTHER DAY JUST BEFORE WE WENT INTO THE VERY SIMPLE PROBLEM PRESENTED BY MISS MARY SUTHERLAND THAT FOR STRANGE EFFECTS AND EXTRAORDINARY COMBINATIONS WE MUST GO TO LIFE ITSELF WHICH IS ALWAYS FAR MORE DARING THAN ANY EFFORT OF THE IMAGINATION </s><s> QUOTE A PROPOSITION WHICH I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF DOUBTING QUOTE </s><s> YOU DID DOCTOR BUT NONE THE LESS YOU MUST COME ROUND TO MY VIEW FOR OTHERWISE I SHALL KEEP ON PILING FACT UPON FACT ON YOU UNTIL YOUR REASON BREAKS DOWN UNDER THEM AND ACKNOWLEDGES ME TO BE RIGHT </s><s> NOW MR. JABEZ WILSON HERE HAS BEEN GOOD ENOUGH TO CALL UPON ME THIS MORNING AND TO BEGIN A NARRATIVE WHICH PROMISES TO BE ONE OF THE MOST SINGULAR WHICH I HAVE LISTENED TO FOR SOME TIME </s><s> YOU HAVE HEARD ME REMARK THAT THE STRANGEST AND MOST UNIQUE THINGS ARE VERY OFTEN CONNECTED NOT WITH THE LARGER BUT WITH THE SMALLER CRIMES AND OCCASIONALLY INDEED WHERE THERE IS ROOM FOR DOUBT WHETHER ANY POSITIVE CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED </s><s> AS FAR AS I HAVE HEARD IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO SAY WHETHER THE PRESENT CASE IS AN INSTANCE OF CRIME OR NOT BUT THE COURSE OF EVENTS IS CERTAINLY AMONG THE MOST SINGULAR THAT I HAVE EVER LISTENED TO </s><s> PERHAPS MR. WILSON YOU WOULD HAVE THE GREAT KINDNESS TO RECOMMENCE YOUR NARRATIVE </s><s> I ASK YOU NOT MERELY BECAUSE MY FRIEND DOCTOR WATSON HAS NOT HEARD THE OPENING PART BUT ALSO BECAUSE THE PECULIAR NATURE OF THE STORY MAKES ME ANXIOUS TO HAVE EVERY POSSIBLE DETAIL FROM YOUR LIPS </s><s> AS A RULE WHEN I HAVE HEARD SOME SLIGHT INDICATION OF THE COURSE OF EVENTS I AM ABLE TO GUIDE MYSELF BY THE THOUSANDS OF OTHER SIMILAR CASES WHICH OCCUR TO MY MEMORY </s><s> IN THE PRESENT INSTANCE I AM FORCED TO ADMIT THAT THE FACTS ARE TO THE BEST OF MY BELIEF UNIQUE </s><s> THE PORTLY CLIENT PUFFED OUT HIS CHEST WITH AN APPEARANCE OF SOME LITTLE PRIDE AND PULLED A DIRTY AND WRINKLED NEWSPAPER FROM THE INSIDE POCKET OF HIS GREATCOAT </s><s> AS HE GLANCED DOWN THE ADVERTISEMENT COLUMN WITH HIS HEAD THRUST FORWARD AND THE PAPER FLATTENED OUT UPON HIS KNEE I TOOK A GOOD LOOK AT THE MAN AND ENDEAVOURED AFTER THE FASHION OF MY COMPANION TO READ THE INDICATIONS WHICH MIGHT BE PRESENTED BY HIS DRESS OR APPEARANCE </s><s> I DID NOT GAIN VERY MUCH HOWEVER BY MY INSPECTION </s><s> OUR VISITOR BORE EVERY MARK OF BEING AN AVERAGE COMMONPLACE BRITISH TRADESMAN OBESE POMPOUS AND SLOW </s><s> HE WORE RATHER BAGGY GRAY SHEPHERD'S CHECK TROUSERS A NOT OVER CLEAN BLACK FROCKCOAT UNBUTTONED IN THE FRONT AND A DRAB WAISTCOAT WITH A HEAVY BRASSY ALBERT CHAIN AND A SQUARE PIERCED BIT OF METAL DANGLING DOWN AS AN ORNAMENT </s><s> A FRAYED TOP HAT AND A FADED BROWN OVERCOAT WITH A WRINKLED VELVET COLLAR LAY UPON A CHAIR BESIDE HIM </s><s> ALTOGETHER LOOK AS I WOULD THERE WAS NOTHING REMARKABLE ABOUT THE MAN SAVE HIS BLAZING RED HEAD AND THE EXPRESSION OF EXTREME CHAGRIN AND DISCONTENT UPON HIS FEATURES </s><s> SHERLOCK HOLMES'S QUICK EYE TOOK IN MY OCCUPATION AND HE SHOOK HIS HEAD WITH A SMILE AS HE NOTICED MY QUESTIONING GLANCES </s><s> BEYOND THE OBVIOUS FACTS THAT HE HAS AT SOME TIME DONE MANUAL LABOUR THAT HE TAKES SNUFF THAT HE IS A FREEMASON THAT HE HAS BEEN IN CHINA AND THAT HE HAS DONE A CONSIDERABLE AMOUNT OF WRITING LATELY I CAN DEDUCE NOTHING ELSE </s><s> MR. JABEZ WILSON STARTED UP IN HIS CHAIR WITH HIS FOREFINGER UPON THE PAPER BUT HIS EYES UPON MY COMPANION </s><s> HOW IN THE NAME OF GOOD FORTUNE DID YOU KNOW ALL THAT MR. HOLMES HE ASKED </s><s> HOW DID YOU KNOW FOR EXAMPLE THAT I DID MANUAL LABOUR </s><s> IT'S AS TRUE AS GOSPEL FOR I BEGAN AS A SHIP'S CARPENTER QUOTE </s><s> YOUR HANDS MY DEAR SIR </s><s> YOUR RIGHT HAND IS QUITE A SIZE LARGER THAN YOUR LEFT </s><s> YOU HAVE WORKED WITH IT AND THE MUSCLES ARE MORE DEVELOPED </s><s> WELL THE SNUFF THEN AND THE FREEMASONRY </s><s> I WON'T INSULT YOUR INTELLIGENCE BY TELLING YOU HOW I READ THAT ESPECIALLY AS RATHER AGAINST THE STRICT RULES OF YOUR ORDER YOU USE AN ARC AND COMPASS BREASTPIN </s><s> AH OF COURSE I FORGOT THAT </s><s> BUT THE WRITING QUOTE </s><s> WHAT ELSE CAN BE INDICATED BY THAT RIGHT CUFF SO VERY SHINY FOR FIVE INCHES AND THE LEFT ONE WITH THE SMOOTH PATCH NEAR THE ELBOW WHERE YOU REST IT UPON THE DESK </s><s> WELL BUT CHINA </s><s> THE FISH THAT YOU HAVE TATTOOED IMMEDIATELY ABOVE YOUR RIGHT WRIST COULD ONLY HAVE BEEN DONE IN CHINA </s><s> I HAVE MADE A SMALL STUDY OF TATTOO MARKS AND HAVE EVEN CONTRIBUTED TO THE LITERATURE OF THE SUBJECT </s><s> THAT TRICK OF STAINING THE FISHES' SCALES OF A DELICATE PINK IS QUITE PECULIAR TO CHINA </s><s> WHEN IN ADDITION I SEE A CHINESE COIN HANGING FROM YOUR WATCH CHAIN THE MATTER BECOMES EVEN MORE SIMPLE </s><s> MR. JABEZ WILSON LAUGHED HEAVILY </s><s> WELL I NEVER SAID HE </s><s> QUOTE I THOUGHT AT FIRST THAT YOU HAD DONE SOMETHING CLEVER BUT I SEE THAT THERE WAS NOTHING IN IT AFTER ALL QUOTE </s><s> I BEGIN TO THINK WATSON SAID HOLMES THAT I MAKE A MISTAKE IN EXPLAINING </s><s> OMNE IGNOTUM PRO MAGNIFICO YOU KNOW AND MY POOR LITTLE REPUTATION SUCH AS IT IS WILL SUFFER SHIPWRECK IF I AM SO CANDID </s><s> CAN YOU NOT FIND THE ADVERTISEMENT MR. WILSON </s><s> YES I HAVE GOT IT NOW HE ANSWERED WITH HIS THICK RED FINGER PLANTED HALFWAY DOWN THE COLUMN </s><s> HERE IT IS </s><s> THIS IS WHAT BEGAN IT ALL </s><s> YOU JUST READ IT FOR YOURSELF SIR </s><s> I TOOK THE PAPER FROM HIM AND READ AS FOLLOWS </s><s> TO THE RED HEADED LEAGUE ON ACCOUNT OF THE BEQUEST OF THE LATE EZEKIAH HOPKINS OF LEBANON PENNSYLVANIA U. S. A. THERE IS NOW ANOTHER VACANCY OPEN WHICH ENTITLES A MEMBER OF THE LEAGUE TO A SALARY OF FOUR POUNDS A WEEK FOR PURELY NOMINAL SERVICES </s><s> ALL RED HEADED MEN WHO ARE SOUND IN BODY AND MIND AND ABOVE THE AGE OF TWENTY ONE YEARS ARE ELIGIBLE </s><s> APPIY IN PERSON ON MONDAY AT ELEVEN O'CLOCK TO DUNCAN ROSS AT THE OFFICES OF THE LEAGUE SEVEN POPE'S COUN FLEET STREET </s><s> QUOTE WHAT ON EARTH DOES THIS MEAN QUOTE </s><s> I EJACULATED AFTER I HAD TWICE READ OVER THE EXTRAORDINARY ANNOUNCEMENT </s><s> HOLMES CHUCKLED AND WRIGGLED IN HIS CHAIR AS WAS HIS HABIT WHEN IN HIGH SPIRITS </s><s> IT IS A LITTLE OFF THE BEATEN TRACK ISN'T IT SAID HE </s><s> AND NOW MR. WILSON OFF YOU GO AT SCRATCH AND TELL US ALL ABOUT YOURSELF YOUR HOUSEHOLD AND THE EFFECT WHICH THIS ADVERTISEMENT HAD UPON YOUR FORTUNES </s><s> YOU WILL FIRST MAKE A NOTE DOCTOR OF THE PAPER AND THE DATE </s><s> IT IS THE MORNING CHRONICLE OF APRIL TWENTY SEVENTH ONE THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED NINETY </s><s> JUST TWO MONTHS AGO </s><s> QUOTE VERY GOOD </s><s> NOW MR. WILSON </s><s> WELL IT IS JUST AS I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU MR. SHERLOCK HOLMES SAID JABEZ WILSON MOPPING HIS FOREHEAD I HAVE A SMALL PAWNBROKER'S BUSINESS AT COBURG SQUARE NEAR THE CITY </s><s> IT'S NOT A VERY LARGE AFFAIR AND OF LATE YEARS IT HAS NOT DONE MORE THAN JUST GIVE ME A LIVING </s><s> I USED TO BE ABLE TO KEEP TWO ASSISTANTS BUT NOW I ONLY KEEP ONE AND I WOULD HAVE A JOB TO PAY HIM BUT THAT HE IS WILLING TO COME FOR HALF WAGES SO AS TO LEARN THE BUSINESS </s><s> WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS OBLIGING YOUTH ASKED SHERLOCK HOLMES </s><s> HIS NAME IS VINCENT SPAULDING AND HE'S NOT SUCH A YOUTH EITHER </s><s> IT'S HARD TO SAY HIS AGE </s><s> I SHOULD NOT WISH A SMARTER ASSISTANT MR. HOLMES AND I KNOW VERY WELL THAT HE COULD BETTER HIMSELF AND EARN TWICE WHAT I AM ABLE TO GIVE HIM </s><s> BUT AFTER ALL IF HE IS SATISFIED WHY SHOULD I PUT IDEAS IN HIS HEAD QUOTE </s><s> WHY INDEED </s><s> YOU SEEM MOST FORTUNATE IN HAVING AN EMPLOYEE WHO COMES UNDER THE FULL MARKET PRICE </s><s> IT IS NOT A COMMON EXPERIENCE AMONG EMPLOYERS IN THIS AGE </s><s> I DON'T KNOW THAT YOUR ASSISTANT IS NOT AS REMARKABLE AS YOUR ADVERTISEMENT </s><s> OH HE HAS HIS FAULTS TOO SAID MR. WILSON </s><s> NEVER WAS SUCH A FELLOW FOR PHOTOGRAPHY </s><s> SNAPPING AWAY WITH A CAMERA WHEN HE OUGHT TO BE IMPROVING HIS MIND AND THEN DIVING DOWN INTO THE CELLAR LIKE A RABBIT INTO ITS HOLE TO DEVELOP HIS PICTURES </s><s> THAT IS HIS MAIN FAULT BUT ON THE WHOLE HE'S A GOOD WORKER </s><s> THERE'S NO VICE IN HIM </s><s> QUOTE HE IS STILL WITH YOU I PRESUME QUOTE </s><s> YES SIR </s><s> HE AND A GIRL OF FOURTEEN WHO DOES A BIT OF SIMPLE COOKING AND KEEPS THE PLACE CLEAN THAT'S ALL I HAVE IN THE HOUSE FOR I AM A WIDOWER AND NEVER HAD ANY FAMILY </s><s> WE LIVE VERY QUIETLY SIR THE THREE OF US AND WE KEEP A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS AND PAY OUR DEBTS IF WE DO NOTHING MORE </s><s> THE FIRST THING THAT PUT US OUT WAS THAT ADVERTISEMENT </s><s> SPAULDING HE CAME DOWN INTO THE OFFICE JUST THIS DAY EIGHT WEEKS WITH THIS VERY PAPER IN HIS HAND AND HE SAYS </s><s> I WISH TO THE LORD MR. WILSON THAT I WAS A RED HEADED MAN </s><s> WHY THAT </s><s> I ASKS </s><s> WHY SAYS HE HERE'S ANOTHER VACANCY ON THE LEAGUE OF THE RED HEADED MEN </s><s> IT'S WORTH QUITE A LITTLE FORTUNE TO ANY MAN WHO GETS IT AND I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE MORE VACANCIES THAN THERE ARE MEN SO THAT THE TRUSTEES ARE AT THEIR WITS' END WHAT TO DO WITH THE MONEY </s><s> IF MY HAIR WOULD ONLY CHANGE COLOUR HERE'S A NICE LITTLE CRIB ALL READY FOR ME TO STEP INTO </s><s> QUOTE WHY WHAT IS IT THEN </s><s> I ASKED </s><s> YOU SEE </s><s> MR. HOLMES I AM A VERY STAY AT HOME MAN AND AS MY BUSINESS CAME TO ME INSTEAD OF MY HAVING TO GO TO IT I WAS OFTEN WEEKS ON END WITHOUT PUTTING MY FOOT OVER THE DOOR MAT </s><s> IN THAT WAY I DIDN'T KNOW MUCH OF WHAT WAS GOING ON OUTSIDE AND I WAS ALWAYS GLAD OF A BIT OF NEWS </s><s> HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF THE LEAGUE OF THE RED HEADED MEN HE ASKED WITH HIS EYES OPEN </s><s> NEVER </s><s> WHY WONDER AT THAT FOR YOU ARE ELIGIBILE YOURSELF FOR ONE OF THE VACANCIES </s><s> AND WHAT ARE THEY WORTH </s><s> I ASKED </s><s> OH MERELY A COUPLE OF HUNDRED A YEAR BUT THE WORK IS SLIGHT AND IT NEED NOT INTERFERE VERY MUCH WITH ONE'S OTHER OCCUPATIONS </s><s> QUOTE WELL YOU CAN EASILY THINK THAT THAT MADE ME PRICK UP MY EARS FOR THE BUSINESS HAS NOT BEEN OVER GOOD FOR SOME YEARS AND AN EXTRA COUPLE OF HUNDRED WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY HANDY </s><s> TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT SAID I </s><s> WELL SAID HE. SHOWING ME THE ADVERTISEMENT YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF THAT THE LEAGUE HAS A VACANCY AND THERE IS THE ADDRESS WHERE YOU SHOULD APPLY FOR PARTICULARS </s><s> AS FAR AS I CAN MAKE OUT THE LEAGUE WAS FOUNDED BY AN AMERICAN MILLIONAIRE </s><s> EZEKIAH HOPKINS WHO WAS VERY PECULIAR IN HIS WAYS </s><s> HE WAS HIMSELF RED HEADED AND HE HAD A GREAT SYMPATHY FOR ALL REDHEADED MEN SO WHEN HE DIED IT WAS FOUND THAT HE HAD LEFT HIS ENORMOUS FORTUNE IN THE HANDS OF TRUSTEES WITH INSTRUCTIONS TO APPLY THE INTEREST TO THE PROVIDING OF EASY BERTHS TO MEN WHOSE HAIR IS OF THAT COLOUR </s><s> FROM ALL I HEAR IT IS SPLENDID PAY AND VERY LITTLE TO DO </s><s> BUT SAID I THERE WOULD BE MILLIONS OF RED HEADED MEN WHO WOULD APPLY </s><s> NOT SO MANY AS YOU MIGHT THINK HE ANSWERED </s><s> YOU SEE IT IS REALLY CONFINED TO LONDONERS AND TO GROWN MEN </s><s> THIS AMERICAN HAD STARTED FROM LONDON WHEN HE WAS YOUNG AND HE WANTED TO DO THE OLD TOWN A GOOD TURN </s><s> THEN AGAIN I HAVE HEARD IT IS NO USE YOUR APPLYING IF YOUR HAIR IS LIGHT RED OR DARK RED OR ANYTHING BUT REAL BRIGHT BLAZING FIERY RED </s><s> NOW IF YOU CARED TO APPLY MR. WILSON YOU WOULD JUST WALK IN BUT PERHAPS IT WOULD HARDLY BE WORTH YOUR WHILE TO PUT YOURSELF OUT OF THE WAY FOR THE SAKE OF A FEW HUNDRED POUNDS </s><s> NOW IT IS A FACT GENTLEMEN AS YOU MAY SEE FOR YOURSELVES THAT MY HAIR IS OF A VERY FULL AND RICH TINT SO THAT IT SEEMED TO ME THAT IF THERE WAS TO BE ANY COMPETITION IN THE MATTER I STOOD AS GOOD A CHANCE AS ANY MAN THAT I HAD EVER MET </s><s> VINCENT SPAULDING SEEMED TO KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT IT THAT I THOUGHT HE MIGHT PROVE USEFUL SO I JUST ORDERED HIM TO PUT UP THE SHUTTERS FOR THE DAY AND TO COME RIGHT AWAY WITH ME </s><s> HE WAS VERY WILLING TO HAVE A HOLIDAY SO WE SHUT THE BUSINESS UP AND STARTED OFF FOR THE ADDRESS THAT WAS GIVEN US IN THE ADVERTISEMENT </s><s> QUOTE I NEVER HOPE TO SEE SUCH A SIGHT AS THAT AGAIN MR. HOLMES </s><s> FROM NORTH SOUTH EAST AND WEST EVERY MAN WHO HAD A SHADE OF RED IN HIS HAIR HAD TRAMPED INTO THE CITY TO ANSWER THE ADVERTISEMENT </s><s> FLEET STREET WAS CHOKED WITH RED HEADED FOLK AND POPE'S COURT LOOKED LIKE A COSTER'S ORANGE BARROW </s><s> I SHOULD NOT HAVE THOUGHT THERE WERE SO MANY IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY AS WERE BROUGHT TOGETHER BY THAT SINGLE ADVERTISEMENT </s><s> EVERY SHADE OF COLOUR THEY WERE STRAW LEMON ORANGE BRICK IRISH SETTER LIVER CLAY BUT AS SPAULDING SAID THERE WERE NOT MANY WHO HAD THE REAL VIVID FLAME COLOURED TINT </s><s> WHEN I SAW HOW MANY WERE WAITING I WOULD HAVE GIVEN IT UP IN DESPAIR BUT SPAULDING WOULD NOT HEAR OF IT </s><s> HOW HE DID IT I COULD NOT IMAGINE BUT HE PUSHED AND PULLED AND BUTTED UNTIL HE GOT ME THROUGH THE CROWD AND RIGHT UP TO THE STEPS WHICH LED TO THE OFFICE </s><s> THERE WAS A DOUBLE STREAM UPON THE STAIR SOME GOING UP IN HOPE AND SOME COMING BACK DEJECTED BUT WE WEDGED IN AS WELL AS WE COULD AND SOON FOUND OURSELVES IN THE OFFICE </s><s> YOUR EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN A MOST ENTERTAINING ONE REMARKED HOLMES AS HIS CLIENT PAUSED AND REFRESHED HIS MEMORY WITH A HUGE PINCH OF SNUFF </s><s> PRAY CONTINUE YOUR VERY INTERESTING STATEMENT </s>