Network Working Group                                         B. HancockRequest for Comments: 1882       Network-1 Software and Technology, Inc.Category: Informational                                    December 1995               The 12-Days of Technology Before ChristmasStatus of this Memo   This memo provides information for the Internet community.  This memo   does not specify an Internet standard of any kind.  Distribution of   this memo is unlimited.Discussion   On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          A database with a broken b-tree (what the hell is a b-tree          anyway?)   On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          Two transceiver failures (CRC errors? Collisions? What is          going on?)          And a database with a broken b-tree (Rebuild WHAT? It's a          10GB database!)   On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          Three French users (who, of course, think they know          everything)          Two transceiver failures (which are now spewing packets all          over the net)          And a database with a broken b-tree (Backup? What backup?)   On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          Four calls for support (playing the same Christmas song over          and over)          Three French users (Why do they like to argue so much over          trivial things?)          Two transceiver failures (How the hell do I know which ones          they are?)          And a database with a broken b-tree (Pointer error? What's a          pointer error?)Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 1]RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995   On the fifth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          Five golden SCSI contacts (Of course they're better than          silver!)          Four support calls (Ever notice how time stands still when on          hold?          Three French users (No, we don't have footpedals on PC's. Why          do you ask?)          Two transceiver failures (If I knew which ones were bad, I          would know which ones to fix!)          And a database with a broken b-tree (Not till next week? Are          you nuts?!?!)   On the sixth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          Six games a-playing (On the production network, of course!)          Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean "not terminated!")          Four support calls (No, don't transfer me again - do you HEAR?          Damn!)          Three French users (No, you cannot scan in by putting the page          to the screen...)          Two transceiver failures (I can't look at the LEDs - they're          in the ceiling!)          And a database with a broken b-tree (Norway? That's where this          was written?)   On the seventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          Seven license failures (Expired? When?)          Six games a-playing (Please stop tying up the PBX to talk to          each other!)          Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean I need "wide"          SCSI?)          Four support calls (At least the Muzak is different this          time...)          Three French Users (Well, monsieur, there really isn't an          "any" key, but...)          Two transceiver failures (SQE? What is that? If I knew I would          set it myself!)          And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I really need to talk          to Lars - NOW!)Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 2]RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995   On the eighth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          Eight MODEMs dialing (Who bought these? They're a security          violation!)          Seven license failures (How many WEEKS to get a license?)          Six games a-playing (What do you mean one pixel per packet on          updates?!?)          Five golden SCSI contacts (Fast SCSI? It's supposed to be          fast, isn't it?)          Four support calls (I already told them that! Don't transfer          me back - DAMN!)          Three French users (No, CTL-ALT-DEL is not the proper way to          end a program)          Two transceiver failures (What do you mean "babbling          transceiver"?)          And a database with a broken b-tree (Does anyone speak English          in Oslo?)   On the ninth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          Nine lady executives with attitude (She said do WHAT with the          servers?)          Eight MODEMs dialing (You've been downloading WHAT?)          Seven license failures (We sent the P.O. two months ago!)          Six games a-playing (HOW many people are doing this to the          network?)          Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean two have the same          ID?)          Four support calls (No, I am not at the console - I tried that          already.)          Three French users (No, only one floppy fits at a time? Why do          you ask?)          Two transceiver failures (Spare? What spare?)          And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I am trying to find          Lars!  L-A-R-S!)Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 3]RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995   On the tenth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What is that Godawful beeping?)          Nine lady executives with attitude (No, it used to be a mens          room? Why?)          Eight MODEMs dialing (What Internet provider? We don't allow          Internet here!)          Seven license failures (SPA? Why are they calling us?)          Six games a-playing (No, you don't need a graphics accelerator          for Lotus! )          Five golden SCSI contacts (You mean I need ANOTHER cable?)          Four support calls (No, I never needed an account number          before...)          Three French users (When the PC sounds like a cat, it's a head          crash!)          Two transceiver failures (Power connection? What power          connection?)          And a database with a broken b-tree (Restore what index          pointers?)   On the eleventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          Eleven boards a-frying (What is that terrible smell?)          Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What's a MIB, anyway? What's an          extension?)          Nine lady executives with attitude (Mauve? Our computer room          tiles in mauve?)          Eight MODEMs dialing (What do you mean you let your roommate          dial-in?)          Seven license failures (How many other illegal copies do we          have?!?!)          Six games a-playing (I told you - AFTER HOURS!)          Five golden SCSI contacts (If I knew what was wrong, I          wouldn't be calling!)          Four support calls (Put me on hold again and I will slash your          credit rating!)          Three French users (Don't hang your floppies with a magnet          again!)          Two transceiver failures (How should I know if the connector          is bad?)          And a database with a broken b-tree (I already did all of          that!)Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 4]RFC 1882         12-Days of Technology Before Christmas    December 1995   On the twelfth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:          Twelve virtual pipe connections (There's only supposed to be          two!)          Eleven boards a-frying (What a surge suppressor supposed to          do, anyway?)          Ten SNMP alerts flashing (From a distance, it does kinda look          like XMas lights.)          Nine lady executives with attitude (What do you mean aerobics          before backups?)          Eight MODEMs dialing (No, we never use them to connect during          business hours.)          Seven license failures (We're all going to jail, I just know          it.)          Six games a-playing (No, no - my turn, my turn!)          Five golden SCSI contacts (Great, just great! Now it won't          even boot!)          Four support calls (I don't have that package! How did I end          up with you!)          Three French users (I don't care if it is sexy, no more nude          screen backgrounds!)          Two transceiver failures (Maybe we should switch to token          ring...)          And a database with a broken b-tree (No, operator - Oslo,          Norway.  We were just talking and were cut off...)Security Considerations   Security issues are not discussed in this memo.Author's Address   Bill Hancock, Ph.D.   Network-1 Software & Technology, Inc.   DFW Research Center   878 Greenview Dr.   Grand Prairie, TX  75050   EMail: hancock@network-1.com   Phone: (214) 606-8200   Fax: (214) 606-8220Hancock                      Informational                      [Page 5]